This year, I want to start implementing something new. I’m going to be writing a monthly recap focusing on myself and other things I’d like to add in. I don’t know how well this is going to turn out but we will see. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write something I learn every month. January was a very weird month for me. There were some downs, but mostly ups.

Highlights

• One of my friends, Jasmine, gave me a coffee maker, it’s super cute.
• Another friend of mine, who is a barista at Starbucks, gave me a venti cup full of COFFEE grinds.
• My friend, Valerie, stayed up with me until 2 am practicing my pageant questions with me, which I am forever grateful for.
• I almost killed (not really) my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend. Confusing, I know, but it’s all resolved now.
• Got my first hair blowout and it was one of the most relaxing experience ever!
• Took an OrangeTheory class (not for me).
• Met some pretty cool new people. (Psst. I’m talking about you, Shelby Bell and Alex Reyes!)

Alone vs. Lonely

A couple of weeks ago, one of my coworkers asked me what I had plans for after work. I told her that I was going to a local coffee shop to listen in for open mic night. She then asked me if I was going with anyone and I told her no, I was going by myself. Her first reaction was “What?! That’s so lonely!” Going to open mic is one of my favorite things to do. Most of the time I’m by myself and I find it relaxing because I don’t have to worry if the person I’m with enjoys it or not. For example, if you had read my Art of Ice Cream Experience, you would know that we didn’t spend as much time in the exhibit as I would like. Simply because I knew my then-boyfriend wasn’t really having the best time.

My coworker’s client had said that it’s not lonely at all and I have an old soul. There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone, the client said. Being lonely is the need for someone. Being alone is a choice. I recently read the poetry book, Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur, which I HIGHLY recommend if you haven’t already. It’s free on the Kindle app if you have Amazon Prime. One of the quotes that stood out to me is: “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.” It’s true on so many levels that I don’t even know where to begin.

Attachment Theory

Another thing that I learned and found incredibly interesting is Attachment Theories. To sum it up, there are three main types of theory: secure, anxious, and avoidance. Basically, 60% of people are in the “secure attachment.” This means you’re perfectly independent and balanced but when you’re feeling depressed or low, you lean on someone. Avoidance theory means that you don’t depend on anyone – at all. This isn’t the best since it’s humanly impossible and you’re always closing everyone out.

There’s anxious theory, which means that you’re always wanting to attach yourself to someone or have someone attach to you. You’re constantly wanting to be with them and you feel lost without them. This was me. I was the prime example of anxious theory and I believe this is one of the reasons why my boyfriend and I broke up. While I don’t want to go too much into detail with this since it’s pretty personal, I found myself thinking “okay, what am I suppose to do?” whenever he had plans to go out with his friends. I would constantly think “if he loved me, he would have spent time with me.” I always needed reassurance from my partner and needed him to constantly tell me that he loved me – even though he showed it in his actions.

Once I recognized these theories, I took a stepped back and realize, “Wow. I really needed to change myself and the way I think.” Acknowledging these theories and understanding where I stood was a huge factor in my self-growth and self-love. Feel free to read more about Attachment Theories here.

Check out my other personal posts here!