I never really understood the phrase ‘self-love’ was. My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I needed to ‘love myself’. For the longest time, I remember thinking to myself ‘of course I love myself! What kind of crap is this!’ But there was a huge difference in understanding my self-worth and actually being content with myself versus loving my physical self.
While I’m not saying that I have successfully mastered this whole concept of ‘self-love’, I do believe that I have grown a lot since my last relationship. Self-love is more than taking care of yourself. It’s being open to who you really are.
I’m not going to lie, this blog post is going to be a little bit more personal than I usually share. However, I think it’s important for me to share my experiences. I would have liked to read something similar to this when I was going through a rough time.
Many of you know that I’m a Mathematics and communication major. Many of you probably did not know that I sometimes struggle in Mathematics and it’s odd. I go through phases and moods where I’m more left-minded or vice versa. It’s not something that I’m able to fully balance.
For a while, I was debating whether or not to keep Mathematics as a major. A huge part of why I decided to keep Mathematics as a major was because of others. I was always under the pressure that if I switched out of Mathematics, I was perceived as ‘dumb’. I was unhappy with myself and felt like I needed to stay in Mathematics.
Why should you care what other people think when they merely have any effect on you?
Instead of switching Mathematics to a minor, I decided to take one math class this semester to see how I truly felt about math. Was I studying Mathematics so I can show others that I can be in the STEM field? This was my first semester taking just one math class. Usually, I take 2 or 3 math-related courses and to say that I miss math is an understatement. I realized that one math class was not enough. I love math and I love a challenge.
Now I know that I’m not studying Mathematics just for anyone but me. I do wholeheartedly enjoy the subject and the ‘mind-bobbling’ pure math has challenged me. It was honestly a huge relief. I added Communication as my second major and I can not be any more happy with what I am studying in my life.
Do Not Be Afraid
Another thing I learned: do not be afraid. I always thought to myself, ‘oh, I NEED a boyfriend in order to do x, y, and z’ and truth be told, I actually do not. I don’t need a boyfriend to help me take photos for my blog or Instagram. I’m not afraid to take out my tripod in the middle of the streets to take a photo. Of course, I get odd looks, but really, I’m just working and it’s part of the hustle.
I used to be afraid of going to events by myself, but I am used to it now. It’s so much easier to strike up a conversation and I do not have to worry about my plus one being bored or unhappy being there.
Past 6 Months
For the past 6 months, I have grown so much and even my friends have noticed too. Back when I was into ‘boys’, I used to be SOOO upset when dates are canceled. I would feel uneasy when they don’t message me back. It was unhealthy; much similar to an obsession. Now, I do not even care. I’m fine with being alone by myself at home.
I can truly focus on myself and do the things I love, such as blogging. I love writing, I love creating content, I love networking. Someone can sit next to me at a coffee shop and I will strike up a conversation with them. I want to build a brand; a community. I want to learn how I’m able to turn my blog into my sole income. Right now, I’m working so much that I’m averaging out roughly 4.5 hours sleep a night but it’s okay. I’m workaholic and that’s what makes me thrive.
I just want to say how much happier I am in my life. I’m making three times as much as I used to make a year ago and I’m able to afford a nice apartment and hire a cleaner biweekly. I just feel like my energy and aura has shifted tremendously. Go ahead and treat yourself! Buy those fancy designer things! Hire a cleaner and let people call you lazy! Believe in psychics and learn how to manifest your aura! Who cares what people think. As long as you’re happy, who are they to tell you what to do?
I do not even know how to express how I feel right now. I’m in a better mindset and do not let anyone make you feel any less than what you really are. I wish I could have helped myself a couple of months ago, but I’m thankful for my friends who have been by my side in helping me understand what self-love really meant.