I’m sitting at a coffee shop, sipping on a cup of iced mocha. Over the years, I’ve found a lot of enjoyment just sitting at a coffee shop. I’ll work on my blog and do a little bit of people-watch. I know some will find people watching creepy, but I find somehow find it interesting to see how we, as humans, interact with others. You’ll overhear people on their first dates, taking their works calls, or just sitting by themselves and absorbing what life has to give, like what I’m doing now!
I’m thinking about how grateful I am for my life. I have great friends who I consider family at this point. Friends I can depend on and tell my deepest secrets because I know they won’t judge me. They’ve created such a safe space for me that I can tell them the hardest truths and they’ll still love me. I truly can’t ask for better friends like that.
For the past year, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting – learning more about who I am as a person and what makes me… me! It was hard to talk about things I wanted to forget. I realized that if I kept hiding or avoiding these memories, it was going to get harder as I got older. The only way to get over things is to acknowledge them, and then accept that it’s part of me that’s never going to change.
I took a break from blogging and social media influencing the past year and attempted to come back from the break a few times (first attempt, second attempt, and third attempt). This time, it’s different, and here’s why –
Starting Fresh with My Blog
I shared on my Instagram story why I’ve been so quiet the past year – quiet compared to previous years. I know I’m on social media quite often, so it’s definitely not “quiet” for an average social media user.
A little over a year ago, I started a new job. It was a lot for me to adjust since my job prior to that, I was with my supervisors for nearly three years. It was a huge change that I haven’t had in a while. Work took a lot of my energy, and I went through a breakup about 2 months into my new position.
I don’t want to go into details about the breakup, but all I can say was that it was a lot. I lost two loving cats and I felt like my life was a complete 180. At that time, I was going through training at work, finding a new apartment, and figuring out my new life. Every time I posted on social media, I would get asked, “Where is [ex-boyfriend]?” or “Where are the cats?”
I know these messages mean well and it’s not out of malicious intent, but I don’t think I was ready to talk about it. Deeper and deeper questions were asked, “Why did you break up?” or “Who broke up with who first?”
I tried to avoid it and even tried addressing the breakup in my Cats post, ha. I couldn’t admit it publicly that the relationship ended because a part of me felt like breakups meant failing. In a way, I was embarrassed to say the relationship ended and wanted to shy away from social media.
Fast forward, I started dating again and we ended up moving in together. Out of respect for my past relationship, I didn’t want to share about dating or moving in together. I knew his friends and family followed me on social media. While I essentially moved on, I wasn’t sure how he was doing and wanted to be respectful.
Then recently, I started a new job. Within a month of being at this new company, my boyfriend and I decided to break up. We ended things on good terms and are still friends. It’s been a while since we broke up, so I promise everyone that I am doing fine now!
To New Beginnings
The past year of constant new changes in my life made it feel like I lacked a lot of stability. I’m at the point where I am slowly finding that consistency and dependency again in my life.
When I shared this on my Instagram story, I had a lot of people reaching out. I was flooded with supportive and kind messages, which I’m grateful for. Please note that I didn’t make this post to get sympathy messages, but rather it was for myself. I wanted to end this mental block that kept preventing me from doing the things I love – blogging and social media.
Mariann Yip says
Yes, So insightful. Love this. So much to learn. Thanks for sharing.