I love Love. I’m a Libra and Venus in Leo.
According to Cafeastrology, “Venus in Leo loves to court and be courted, and they need to feel very special. They are warm, generous, and even grand.”
I’ve had a couple of relationships. Some of them were good, some of them were okay, some of them were bad. When it comes to saying ‘I love you’, it’s always tricky. In a group chat with my friends, one of them asked: “how you do you know when you love someone?”
Just a disclaimer, I’m no love expert. Do I believe in love? Not really. Most of the time, I think love is just hormones. Talking about ‘love‘ scares me sometimes. For me, I think love (as in a romantic way) is just an odd thing for me to talk about on a serious note. I’m okay with talking about my boob job and other taboo subjects, but love is such a taboo subject for me.
Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me? I’m not sure either. Sure, I love my friends. I love my brothers, my sister, my family. When it comes to relationships, it’s just an odd thing to me.
How Do You Know When You Love Someone?
If you really have to ask that question, then I think it’s safe to say that you don’t love them. At least not yet. Maybe you do love them. I mean, I don’t know. I find myself googling this question nearly every relationship I’ve ever been in.
Another pretty common question is: When do you say ‘I love you’?
When Do You Say ‘I Love You’?
When it comes to ‘love‘, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember saying ‘I love you’ to any of my previous boyfriends at all. Although I do remember one former boyfriend saying ‘I love you’ to me. I think I was pushing his buttons and trying to get it out of him.
When I Said ‘I Love You’
* For background information, DG and I are in a long distance relationship.
It was spring break. I was in New York visiting DG. We were sitting in a restaurant waiting for food and talking. I couldn’t tell you what we were talking about, to be honest. This was all a blur to me. I accidentally said ‘I love you’ – it was quiet. He didn’t hear it.
Phew, I thought. For some reason, I wasn’t sure how he would react. I knew he told me that he had commitment issues and that I was his first actual girlfriend.
DG and I have always been on different paces. I’ve always been on the faster track and the one to initiate things lol. I made the move on our first date, our first kiss, and then our first ‘I love you‘ lol. Idk why I’m feeling so embarrassed right now.
The Actual ‘I Love You’
Fast forward to a day later, we were running around town all morning. By the afternoon, we were back at his apartment ready for a nap. When we were about to take a nap, I said ‘I love you’. Obviously, this time wasn’t an accident since I was thinking about it all last night and that morning.
Haaaaa. DG asked, “do you really?” Yeah. “How do you know?” When you know, you know. – This has been my go-to answer for questions I don’t know how to answer.
When you know, you know.
It was fine that he didn’t say it back, and I didn’t want him to feel pressured to say it back either. He told me to be patient with him, which was fine by me.
Saying ‘I Love You’ First
I don’t think it really matters who says ‘I love you’ first. Me being the egotism person I am, I definitely did not want to say it first or even wanted to admit to it in this blog post. At the end of the day, who cares. I have too much pride sometimes and I hate feeling vulnerable.
Growing up, I was raised to think that being in love or loving someone was a sign of weakness. It was a sign of being distracted. If you think about it, why do most superheroes not want to have a romantic partner? Because they don’t want the antagonist to find out their ‘weakness’ and kill them, duh! I don’t like talking about relationship and love. I find that women who didn’t have a significant other were perceived as a stronger and more independent woman – I grew up with a single mom who always put me and my sister first!
Obviously, now that I’m older, I guess I will have to start learning to accept that loving someone or being in love doesn’t necessarily make you a weaker person. Does anyone else feel that way?
With that being said, I asked a couple of wonderful women to share their experience with saying ‘I love you’ first to their partner. I hope to encourage you all to go for it and express how you feel. Don’t be shy to take initiative.
The world could use a little more love.
1. The Dream
We were together for 3 weeks (when you know, you know) and we had both gotten drunk. We were sleeping, he gets up to go to the bathroom, comes back into bed, I wake up and say “I had a dream I said something to you and you said it back.” He said, “I bet I know what it is. I love you too.” So I didn’t quite say it first but I kinda did, and that was that!
2. Go with your Gut
I said it first when I was drunk leaving a bar with my boyfriend. I was so embarrassed because I wanted to wait a bit longer – until he said it first. A few weeks later, he said it to me and said he had been hanging on to it a while. We celebrate 2 years next month! It really depends on how you feel. Tell him if you’re ready, but be prepared to maybe not have him be ready to say it back yet. Go with your gut. ????
3. Everything but I Love You
I had told my fiancé early into dating that every man I’d ever been with had told me prematurely and that I thought it typically took 6 months to know if it was love or not. 3 months in, I was itching to tell him. He told me all the stuff like “he was falling for me hard”, “he loved everything about me”, “he loved spending time with me”, “he sees himself marry me”, etc. He just wouldn’t say I love you because I had told him that early on and he was scared. I bit the bullet and did it. He was so surprised by it but so happy. Now we’re 3 years together and getting married in 2 weeks! If you feel it, say it. A lot of men are scared and would love to hear it first! No sense in holding back, just say it.
4. I might admit something stupid like I love you.
Him: I don’t want another drink because then I might admit something stupid like I love you.
Him: I love you.
Me a few days later: I love you.
We were in high school. I said “I love you and totally know I’m going to marry you one day” to a 17-year-old male athlete. The only thing that was on his brain was playing college sports, so he freaked out like it was a death sentence. Dumped me a few days later… Fast forward through college athletics and different universities, we’re married! I tell him “told ya so” all the time! ????
We were both 21, had been dating for about a month. It was literally one of those love at first sight things for me, like out of a movie. When we met, I just… KNEW. One night, we were sitting in my car, about to go to dinner, and he was telling me that someone close to him had shared a very upsetting, sad secret with him earlier that day. He was so shaken by it, he was crying. He’s so empathetic and kind, and I was completely taken with how big his heart is… I blurted out, “I love you.” He didn’t know how to react at that moment.
My timing was DEFINITELY not the best.
We went to dinner and I was texting my friend telling her how bad I had ‘effed up. As we were leaving the restaurant, he randomly grabbed me, took me into his arms, kissed me, and said, “I love you, too”. We’ve been together for 8 years & married for almost 2.
7. I think I love you
He said it after 1 month and I did not say it back. I told him when I said it, I wanted to for sure mean it and not say it just to say it. Then about 6 months in, I got drunk and we are sleeping on the floor of my friend’s house beause she had a party. I told him, “I have a secret” but he has to say it first. I baited him and he says, “I love you” and I said, “I THINK I love you”. ????
He was so pissed. Then, finally a month later, we were at the beach and I told him I wanted to tell him something. I tried to get him to say it first again, and he was like, “Oh no, no, no. If you are gonna tell me now, you have to say it first.” I did and then he said it back. ????❤️????
I said it first over an argument on the phone. ???? My now-husband hates surprises and we were long distance at the time, so I knew in January I loved him but wanted him to say it first because that’s what society told me. ????April comes around, and it’s his birthday week. I decided that when I saw him in person, I was just going to tell him!
On the phone, I said I have a special surprise for him for his birthday and he wouldn’t drop it so as we’re arguing. I go, “Well, I was going to surprise you and tell you I love you for the first time but just forget it!” Hahahaha that week when I saw him, I wrote “I love you, Rachel” in his card. That night before bed, he told me, “there’s something I wanted you to know, I love you”. We’re happily married now and he tells me every day he loves me. ????????
We had only been hanging out for like two months, not even officially dating but I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer (agree that when you know, you just know). After a night just driving around, I squeaked out “I think I may be falling or already know that I’m in love with you”. I panicked, bolted out of his truck to my car, tried to shut the door but he had chased me down to tell me he couldn’t really hear what I said exactly but that he was in love with me. Needless to say, we still argue about who said it first… Clearly me right!? ????
We were crashing at his friend’s house on NYE and we’d been long distance for like 6 months after ~1 year of a super casual thing. I was almost in tears because I was super scared to say it, but he was flying home like the next day. After I said I love you, he hugged me really tightly and said “I love you too, but I hope my actions showed it before I said it” or something like that. Anyways, that was 4 years ago and we got married last September!
I hope you all enjoy this blog post and enjoyed hearing other people’s love story as much as I did.
Special thanks to all the women that shared their love story.
Read more posts about DG here: